Today I am officially a week into taking Cerazette. It has definitely not been an easy ride. I felt a dip in my mood from the first day I took this pill (it works straight away so that might explain the fast effects). I went into this with an open mind. I didn’t go in thinking ‘this isn’t going to work’ or even ‘this will work’. I remained neutral and decided to just see what happened.
I know my own body. I feel when my moods change. And for me, when my moods change like this, it’s like any other physical reaction. It isn’t something I have a lot of control over. All the positive thought in the world won’t rid you of the flu any faster, after all. And it’s the same for me with my conditions.
I’m going to continue with this pill and give it at least a month.
So far things aren’t feeling completely great. I don’t feel I can be 100% happy. I feel like there’s a physical feeling of sadness underneath that is always there no matter how positive my thoughts or intentions may be.
And the worst part is the lack of understanding from other people right now.
That is what brings me to write this entry. I’m a member of several PMDD groups on Facebook and one very common theme in all groups is frustration at the lack of consideration, care, concern or understanding from other people toward that condition.
I feel it is the same for any menstrual condition, personally. I’ve got my physical ailments, my PCOS, PMDD and Dysmenorrhea. And I have the mental side effects of those conditions. Technically my conditions are physical but they produce mental symptoms if you will so I understand things from both sides. Regardless, I’ve found it doesn’t matter if I am suffering with my PCOS or my PMDD, generally most people think I am just a big baby who needs to ‘get over it’. Ironic since I’m an extremely strong minded, proactive person.
People seem to forget my good qualities the minute I start suffering in favour of belittling or making accusations toward me about the result of my conditions. And I know I’m not the only person with a menstrual disorder that suffers this attitude from others. That makes me feel very disappointed in humanity to be completely truthful. Why are menstrual disorders not taken seriously?
Society’s attitude is ‘take a pill and shut up’. Society’s belief is that if you’re not taking all kinds of meds you’re not helping yourself regardless of whether a type of medication works for you or not. If you dare speak up and say a medication isn’t working for you then blow you, you’re a whiney cry baby who can’t stick it out.
Which, of course, is complete bullshit.
This pill is already having a bad effect on my moods but I know if I don’t keep taking it for long enough – til the timeframe meets the approval of others’ expectations anyway – I’ll get accused of not ‘giving it a chance’ and oh there’s that cute little ‘you’re not helping yourself’ ditty again. I do want to give it a chance, I do want to wait and see if things improve. I’m well aware of how my body reacts to birth control pills (since I’ve tried so many of them for months at a time in the past) and I know things could potentially get much worse for me but I’m willing to give it a shot anyway. Would I really do that if I was ‘not helping’ myself? No. Hell no.
I really wish my problems were all in my head. I really wish it was one big, daft excuse. I wish I was just an attention seeker. That would mean I could make my own personal sufferings disappear right away. I wouldn’t have to go through so many mood changes every month. I wouldn’t be in so much physical pain or throwing up anymore. I wouldn’t have to fight my battles every damn day against ignorant people. The latter would be the nicest factor for me, actually.
Support a woman who has a menstrual disorder. It’s not something she asked for. Not something she is doing for fun or attention. Not something she enjoys.
For those who suffer – I am so sorry. Please know that you’re not making this up despite the fact that many people probably make you feel like you are. This is very real and your condition/s deserve all the recognition in the world. You’re not alone.
She needs your support and your care. She needs your understanding. No, she is not a perfect angel, none of us are, but a little less ignorance goes a very long way.